Don’t let others kill your self-esteem, deprive you of motivation, or ruin your mood
1. Couch critics.
They always know exactly how others should live their lives, build relationships, raise children, make money, or run a business. They know better than anyone else about literature, music, and painting, and can easily create a masterpiece. Of course, they are also experts in politics and psychology, for there would not have been such an outrage under their watch.
Sofa critics are eager to share their valuable opinions on any issue. And it doesn’t matter that no one actually asked them, that they have no children, they can’t draw, they earn little, and the relationship ended in divorce. However, if you point this out to a person, he will answer that he is “just expressing his opinion.
All this is understandable from the outside. But when a person is inside a situation, he or she can be very vulnerable to unwarranted and unconstructive criticism. Especially if it does not come from an anonymous person on the Internet, but from a friend or relative. Remarks and skepticism can severely clip one’s wings.
At the same time, competent feedback, which will be useful for your development, should be benevolent, reasoned and constructive. That is to point not only to areas of growth, but also to advantages, as well as to offer ideas for correcting deficiencies. And it should also come from a person who is well versed in the issue. And if someone criticizes you without following these principles, their opinion can be disregarded.
2. Drama lovers
It seems that their life resembles a dashingly twisted TV series, where the main character falls into the abysses of passion, shedding bitter tears over a broken heart, wandering in love triangles and unraveling intrigues of enemies. And the drama lover, of course, plays a major role in this story. But someone else’s life on the background of all these fascinating peripeteia looks impossibly pale and boring, not worthy of attention.
Such people are always pulling the blanket over themselves, discussing their problems, but to others treat without much interest, not burning desire to listen and support. Can engage others in their drama, make them out to be villains, and himself a victim, to play feelings.
As a result, a person next to such a “star” feels insignificant and uninteresting, spends a lot of time and emotions on it, and gets nothing in return. And it does not affect the self-esteem in the best way.
Experts believe that sometimes drama fans behave this way because of childhood trauma or borderline personality disorder. Therefore, if you live together with such a person, suggest that he see a therapist. And if it’s someone you know or work with far away, the best tactic is to cut back on communication or not take all this theater seriously.
They, like couch critics, know everything about everything. Only the purpose is different – to crush the interlocutor with their knowledge and self-assert themselves at his expense. No matter what you are talking about, the know-it-all will cut you off in half a word, he “climbs on the podium” and will broadcast from there with the guise of a connoisseur.
One such “know-it-all” started getting clever on Facebook*: he was telling a girl that she had thoughtlessly reposted an article about nuclear weapons testing, but had no knowledge of the issue herself. It turned out that the person he was talking to was a journalist and it was her article, and the know-it-all with his ridiculous comment became famous on Twitter and BuzzFeed.
4. Plagues and cynics.
They are masterful at devaluing your accomplishments, ideas, and feelings. No matter what you share with them, you’ll get skepticism, sarcasm, and attempts at self-aggrandizement in return.
– I switched cars!
– That’s great. Is it used? Why isn’t it new?
You end up feeling vulnerable, weak, and pathetic, as if your emotions and victories are just a flop. You are forced to make excuses and unwittingly compare yourself to others – and the comparison is not in your favor.
Being able to praise yourself and appreciate your accomplishments is essential to moving forward, being confident in your abilities, and feeling good about yourself. And people who devalue you need to explain that you don’t like it. And if they continue to behave that way, cut back on communication with them.
“The new haircut doesn’t suit you, it was better before. Why are you offended, I care about you!” Under the sauce of “I’m just telling it like it is,” these champions of truth criticize other people’s appearance and actions, interfere with unsolicited advice, and just swamp other people with poorly concealed insults. About your feelings they care little and sometimes quite honestly believe that they are doing a good thing, proud of their straightforwardness, refuse to notice that such honesty without a request – it is rudeness and violation of boundaries.
Such outbursts can be very upsetting, knock the ground out from under you, make you feel stupid, ugly and incompetent person. Psychologists advise to build boundaries in relations with truthers: to object to them, stop the conversation, change the subject. And if all this does not help – stay away.
It’s only natural to talk about your successes and accomplishments. This is one of the options to celebrate a victory, to praise yourself, to inspire further exploits. But there are those who brag all the time, and do it in an arrogant, humiliating manner. The main message of their statements is the following: “Look how good I am, and whoever is not like me is just a loser and is not trying hard enough.
In a story about successful weight loss, there are bound to be jabs at those who eat too much, do not exercise and “neglect themselves. A post about your own business or career successes will not do without mentioning the whiners who only complain about life, and do not want to work on themselves.
Whiners love to criticize, give advice from their own experience, and devalue other people’s problems. It can be hard to read and listen to all this: such statements make others compare themselves to the braggart and fall into despondency. If this is your case, it is better to filter such people: reduce communication, change the topic of conversation, ask them to be more correct in their statements.